I like to assume that breaking up with someone pre social media was a lot easier. We are through! Hopefully, we don't run into each other. Have a good life and don't call me anymore. Cool. Fine. But what about now? Today, we have checkin's, mobile uploads, newsfeeds, instagram, Linkedin updates, Spotify Playlists, and so many more social media sites that remind us of our backstabbing little ex's, tear, tear. 1. The Newsfeed
This is the worst. Do I want to see that my ex just checked into the Mirage in Vegas? Hell no. Do I want to see the mobile upload where she's taking Vodka shots with that American Eagle model? Hell No. Do I want to see her new profile picture with the American Eagle model? Nooo! How about that she's listening to "our" song on Spotify right now? Well..... NO! I want her gone. How the hell can I move on when I pick her out of my newsfeed like a police lineup. The solution is simple--you must block them. Don't defriend them--you might regret that when you're thinking clearly-- but a clean and simple block is crucial to moving on with your social media life.
2. Avoid drinking when laptops and wifi are nearby.
Oh hello ex's facebook profile. You don't mind if I look around a little? There is the mobile uploads of us at Disneyland. Tear. There are the pictures of us with your family last Christmas. Tear. There are the pictures.. wait, what is that... who the hell is that guy?! Why do you have pictures with him at Disneyland??? AMERICAN EAGLE DUDDEEE!!! NOOoooOOOO!!!! AHHHHHHH.
Did you learn your lesson?
You must resist all temptation to click their profile. Don't ask Siri for help. Don't pretend you wanted to see if it was their birthday. Just don't do it. Cool. Ok.
Everyone has a blog. If they don't have a blog, they probably have another form of online expression in the form of Instagram or Twitter. Don't visit your ex's blog. If he or she is dealing with heartbreak by writing overly emotional blog posts, don't read them--DEFINITELY DON'T COMMENT ON THEM. This won't help. Don't check their Instragram pictures and hope they are taking pictures that represent "hopelessness" and "despair" and not "debauchery" and "freedom." Don't look at any of it. Don't look at their status and wonder if they're indirectly talking to you through subliminal messages. As Scar once told Simba after Muffassa's tragic death, "Run. Runaway, and never return.
4. Email + Text + Facebook Messages
The worse thing about having access to email, text and facebook messages is that you can write a draft, sit on it for a day or two, and then push send when you're ready to make a bad decision. Or you can draft a text after doing something that "reminds you of them," and then push send after your second bottle of vino. Either way, post break up messages through email or social media are never well written and thoughtful. The wound is still fresh and your message is littered with desperation. You are not thinking clearly and the fact that your email contains hundreds of misspelled words and five hundred forms of "I miss you," is not going to win them back.
Take your heartbreak and MAKE ART.
Every time one of my friends calls me and asks me to check their "ex's facebook page" because they have been defriended and still want to keep tabs, I tell them to LOCK IT UP. First of all, I'm not going to check your ex's facebook page (pretty sure she defriended me after the breakup, also) Second of all, this is the perfect time to MAKE ART. Yeah, you heard me. I don't care if you're not a writer or an aritst, every human has the need to express themselves. My first book was a result of some serious heartbreak. My second book has some of that ish as well. So write or paint or blog or just make art. Find a way to channel your pain. And lastly, GET OFF OF FACEBOOK!
Oh and please check out my latest novel on Kickstarter. I'm getting close to the end!