As a part of the research for my new book, A Life Told From The Cloud, I took it upon myself to dive deep into the unknown: the dark and dangerous world of the facebook timeline. The first stop, freshman year of college. Meet Kyle: A scrawny eighteen who has just escaped the reign of his overprotective mom. If I could write a note to myself now, it would have said this: "Hey idiot, I know you want to drink every night, but do your best and not act like a complete asshole on facebook. It's all being recorded buddy." Here are the thought bubbles while going through the timeline.
1. (2005) Why is there more than one picture of me holding a Jagr bottle? #Gross.
2. (2008) Wow, my status updates were depressing after college.
3. (2008) I dated her?
4. (2005) Yup, there's the Ron Bergundy quoting phase.
5. (2007) Is there a button to detag every picture before the age of 25?
6. (2005) When was it okay to say "fuck" on facebook? Oh that's right, before my mother, aunt, ten cousins and my boss signed on.
7. (2008) Sooo that's when my metabolism started to slow down.
8. (2005) I finally realize what my dad meant when he said, "that was the style back then." #Skateshoes #Visors #Silverchains
9. (2004) Why can't I click on my ex girlfriend from freshman year... oh wait, yup, I remember...Defriended
10. (2008) I was WAAY more popular in college.
11. (2004) Don't remember that picture.. or that picture... or that picture...
12. (2005) Ahhh, so that's what people wore before skinny jeans.
13. (2006) Flex Fit Volcom skater hats huh?
14. (2009) When was the last time I updated that blog?
15. (2007) Ahhh, "The find myself after college Europe trip." Also known as the first and last time I left California.
16. (2008) I can't believe Blacked OUT Brandon is still alive! I can't believe he's married!
17. (2007) I guess I went to the club a lot after that breakup. #ThanksKristen.
18. (2008) I'll call this the "throw a piece sign up in every picture" phase.
19. (2004) ALL this will be deleted when I have kids.
20. (2009) So that's when I decided to stop shopping at Pacific Sunwear
21. (2009) Does Mafia Wars still exist? I wonder how my dad's virtual farm is doing?
22. (2007) I will now copy and paste this wall post to remind myself how horrible the friend zone is: "wanna do lunch."
23. (2007) Apparently, I attended an event called, "Boats and Ho's." Still looking for clues to see how that party turned out.
24. (2010) So that's when I started shopping at Banana Republic.
25. (2004) Best wall post from my ex = "who is that skank that just tagged you in that photo."
26. (2006) Yup, still using the word EPIC.
27. (2008) My transition from Keystone Light to Paps.
28. (2009) My transition from Paps to Stella.
29 (2010) My transition from Stella to staying in on Friday.
30. (2012) New "I'm getting older" status update: Please read whatever blog/book/business/online article I'm promoting or reading.
If for any reason this inspires you to search your own facebook timeline, I would love to get your findings.
AND.. PLEASE MAKE SURE TO CHECK OUT MY KICKSTARTER PAGE. The book A Life Told From The Cloud is an awesome story. A novel told entirely through a facebook timeline. Due out this September with your support :)