Kyle Rutkin

Digital Marketer. Brand Strategist. Freelance Writer.

The Facebook Snob

UncategorizedKyle Rutkin1 Comment

Many people would like to think of Facebook as a place of love and impartiality. They see Facebook as a place where everyone can share equally, a place with no upper, middle, and lower classes, where all users are created equal. Well, sorry, they’re wrong. Although somewhat undercover, an aristocratic society exists, a society made up of elite Facebookers who believe that their profiles are just a little more important than yours. We call them Facebook snobs. Their characteristics are as follows.

You request me; I don’t request you.

Yes, we know, you have 2,500 friends, and yes, we know that your status updates get a few more comments than ours. But does that mean if I want to be your friend, I have to add you? Well, the answer is yes. Many Facebook snobs get to a point in their friend count where they just don’t think it’s fair for them to have to come down to visit the middle classes to find you on Facebook. They’re the ones in demand, so it’s only fair that you find them and add them. It’s not that they are trying to be posh; it’s just that they have risen to an elite status, where they no longer have to add people as friends. They are the cool kids, and everyone else should be the ones trying to get in their good graces.

I have no need to respond on your wall.

In an equal friendship, friends post and share on each other’s walls. Sometimes they comment back and forth on posts, but they always take turns writing on each other’s profiles. A Facebook Snob has no need to write on your wall. If you share something on their wall, they might comment on whatever you said, but they will never post something on YOUR wall. A Facebook Snob likes to keep the conversation in their house, and the attention under their profile picture. They are under the impression that their Facebook home is better, so why would the party be anywhere else? Why would we go to your little apartment, when it’s obvious that more people enjoy visiting their Facebook mansion?

 

A comment from me is considered a luxury.

 

Oftentimes, when a status has quite a few comments, it is expected that the host go ahead and get in the conversation, like, “Haha @ Brett, that was a crazy night @ Kristen.” It’s like I acknowledge that we are having a Facebook conversation, and I appreciate the recognition you just gave my status. But the Facebook Snob is not obligated to do any of these things. Their only obligation is to post the comment; you should be so lucky that they are on your newsfeed. It is a privilege to read the Facebook Snob’s status update, so sorry, don’t expect them to respond to middle and lower class Facebook citizens.

 

I don’t have to RSVP to your event, but you have to RSVP to my event.

 

A Facebook Snob knows that the fact that they’re going to your event is a privilege for you. So don’t count on them coming, but if they come, lucky you, your event just became that much cooler. In a nutshell, they don’t have to RSVP. If they come it’ll be a last minute decision and completely and pleasantly unexpected.

Facebook snobs use the “hasn’t responded yet” response to build anticipation, are they coming, are they coming? Oh, my gosh, they made it. This is crazzzzy. But on the flip side, if a Facebook Snob sends you an invite, you’d better respond, and if you don’t, you’ll forever be blacklisted off their party list. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

Nobody knows how Facebook Snobs got their sense of entitlement, but somewhere along the line they did, and they make Facebook into a high school cafeteria. But if you look at our history, you’ll see countless examples of the lower class rising up to challenge the upper class. So if you don’t want to RSVP to their event, don’t. If you want to boycott their profiles or worse, defriend them, so be it. So peasant, rise up, no longer will you take having to RSVP to their event when they have no courtesy to RSVP to yours. No longer will you have to find them, because, my friend, you will be seen!!